In the Silence

I received so many good news from my best friends over these past twelve months. Some of them have just given birth to beautiful babies. A lot of them recently got pregnant and are expecting their babies. One of them got significantly promoted in her career. Some have just got married, and one of my closest friends just received two great blessings in less than a year: a second baby and a scholarship to pursue a higher degree abroad. I'm so happy for them.

However, I admit that in this situation it is easy for me to fall into the temptation of jealousy as if everyone else's life is full of changes, milestones, and surprises while mine looks like a long marathon route where I run on my own in the silence. 

I'm still working in the same project and same position as last year, and nothing changed. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for years but nothing happen just yet. I even thought that it was easy for everyone else to get pregnant but me. One of my friend is even in her 4th pregnancy (how awesome is that!). Looking at people's constant posts about their children, their growth, and their happy little family sometimes left my eyes teary and I felt a little pinch in my heart. Some friends even post monthly photos of their babies, along with their height, weight, and whether the babies have been able to drool, roll (or probably jump?). I might not be the only one who felt that pain. I know there are others who are still struggling like me. 

But that's not the real issue. Back to the temptation of jealousy. Why do I feel as if I was being left out while every one else got their surprises? Easy, it simply because I sometimes overlook the small things in life that actually is a great blessing. I sometimes forget to give thanks, I forget how God has been so generous to me. I still live a good life, have great friends, a loving family, health, job, and so many opportunities to grow. I forget that in the silence God speaks in many ways. In the silence God teaches me to look deeper. In the silence I was trained to persevere. 

Now I realize that while running my long marathon, I could actually breathe the fresh air. I could see beautiful tiny flowers blooming in the sidewalk, and people smile at me as I pass them by. In the long marathon run, my body is trained to grow stronger. Looking back at all roads I have traveled, I started to appreciate every small things in life. In this silence, I know God is still faithful. And I thank God that I still have a loving husband by my side. "In everything... give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus".