In the Silence

I received so many good news from my best friends over these past twelve months. Some of them have just given birth to beautiful babies. A lot of them recently got pregnant and are expecting their babies. One of them got significantly promoted in her career. Some have just got married, and one of my closest friends just received two great blessings in less than a year: a second baby and a scholarship to pursue a higher degree abroad. I'm so happy for them.

However, I admit that in this situation it is easy for me to fall into the temptation of jealousy as if everyone else's life is full of changes, milestones, and surprises while mine looks like a long marathon route where I run on my own in the silence. 

I'm still working in the same project and same position as last year, and nothing changed. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for years but nothing happen just yet. I even thought that it was easy for everyone else to get pregnant but me. One of my friend is even in her 4th pregnancy (how awesome is that!). Looking at people's constant posts about their children, their growth, and their happy little family sometimes left my eyes teary and I felt a little pinch in my heart. Some friends even post monthly photos of their babies, along with their height, weight, and whether the babies have been able to drool, roll (or probably jump?). I might not be the only one who felt that pain. I know there are others who are still struggling like me. 

But that's not the real issue. Back to the temptation of jealousy. Why do I feel as if I was being left out while every one else got their surprises? Easy, it simply because I sometimes overlook the small things in life that actually is a great blessing. I sometimes forget to give thanks, I forget how God has been so generous to me. I still live a good life, have great friends, a loving family, health, job, and so many opportunities to grow. I forget that in the silence God speaks in many ways. In the silence God teaches me to look deeper. In the silence I was trained to persevere. 

Now I realize that while running my long marathon, I could actually breathe the fresh air. I could see beautiful tiny flowers blooming in the sidewalk, and people smile at me as I pass them by. In the long marathon run, my body is trained to grow stronger. Looking back at all roads I have traveled, I started to appreciate every small things in life. In this silence, I know God is still faithful. And I thank God that I still have a loving husband by my side. "In everything... give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus".

I Never Regret My Decision

Setahun sudah aku tinggal di tanah Sumba ini. Itu artinya setahun sudah aku meninggalkan my dream job, dan mengikuti suamiku tercinta yang mengabdi di sini. Aku sekarang menjadi ibu rumah tangga tapi belum ada anak, stay at home dan bergulat dengan pekerjaan rumah tangga yang tiada habis-habisnya.

Kalau di tulisan terakhirku tentang jobseeker story dulu aku bercerita tentang perjuanganku mendapatkan pekerjaan yang sesuai passion, dan bagaimana tantangan-tantangan yang aku hadapi dari orang-orang sekitar ketika aku mengambil pekerjaan itu, sekarang tantangannya lebih lagi. Kalo dulu orang-orang, khususnya ortu dan kakak2ku meragukan pilihanku karena mengambil pekerjaan yang tidak sesuai dengan latar belakang pendidikanku, dengan gaji yang mereka anggap “kurang sesuai untuk S2”, kebayang kan sekarang respon mereka gimana setelah aku resign dari pekerjaanku?

Where Have I Been?

Whoooo....rekor nih, hampir 2 tahun aku gak ngisi blog ini. akhirnya telornya pecah juga tahun ini, sementara 2013 tetap kosong. I'm not proud of it. Terakhir aku nulis blog adalah ketika aku masih job-seeker (ketauan waktu itu gak banyak kerjaan, haha). 

Where have I been?....
Gak kemana-mana sih, masih eksis juga di dunia maya, tapi cuman sebentar-sebentar dan hanya sebatas observer. Sekarang aku kerja di NGO yang bergerak di bidang kemanusiaan, yang berffokus pada kesejahteraan anak. Sejak 1.5 thn yang lalu aku berdomisili di Sambas, Kalimantan Barat dan mengerjakan pekerjaan yang aku sukai. aku bisa berpetualang kayak si Bolang (Bocah Petualang), sesuai yang aku impikan, haha. Sebelumnya aku sempat di Jakarta dan Nias bersama organisasi yang sama.
Banyak sebenernya yang pengen aku ceritakan, tapi aku nanti coba pilah-pilah lagi satu-satu lah. Ada soal menariknya pekerjaanku, tantangannya, pergumulan di tempat baru, sampai soal teman hidup. 
Trus, sebentar lagi aku akan menikah (ehmmm....). Lumayan juga perubahannya dalam 2 tahun :).  Banyak sebenernya yang pengen ditulis soal perjalananku sampai sejauh ini, soal persiapan pernikahan, de el el tapi tunggu mood dulu yah, haha.
For all bloggers in the world, tetap semangat ngeblog yaaaa.....jangan kayak aku, hehe.

Greetings from Sambas

A Jobseeker Story

Whooohooo..., akhirnya berhasil juga finishing this story. Kali ini gw mau cerita ttg perjalanan gue finding "the one", but not as in "teman hidup" context loh ya..., ini konteksnya tentang mencari pekerjaan, hehe. Hmmm....mulai dari mana ya? gw tulis per chapter aja lah ya, soalnya panjang juga ceritanya. Yang mau baca cerpen non-fiksi (or cerpan kalo kepanjangan) ini...., hyuuuk dimari. Dicicil juga boleh koq bacanya. up to you lah.

Chapter 1: Fresh Graduate

Waktu itu Februari 2007. Akhirnya berhasil juga gw lulus dari kampus gajah duduk a.k.a ITB. Jurusan gw termasuk yang favorit lah waktu itu, Teknik Kimia. Masuknya susah (katanya). Buat gw keluarnya lebih susah lagi. Tapi kayaknya buat 50% temen seangkatan gw gak sesusah itu deh, buktinya IPK mereka tinggi-tinggi, dan yang cum laude cukup banyak. Gw waktu itu lulus dgn IPK selamat aja lah...., cukup buat cari nafkah, hehe. Jujur, gw dulu ngerasa salah jurusan, tapi mo gimana lagi, gw sendiri juga gak punya cita-cita yg jelas sih waktu lulus SMA. Alhasil, kakak gw lah yg milihin jurusan TeKim itu. 

Hehe, ini poto waktu wisudaan =). Kami adalah batch wisuda ke-3 di angkatan. Yang laen udah pada lulus duluan Juli and Oktober 2006. Tapi yang lulusnya setelah kami juga masih ada sih ;) --> menghibur diri.

Waktu baru lulus, yang kebayang ya langsung apply ke perusahaan-perusahaan ternama buat jadi Engineer, seperti kebanyakan alumni Tekim yang laen. Website career centre ITB gw pantengin terus. Trus gw masukin lamaran ke beberapa perusahaan. Dan puji Tuhan, gak ada satu pun yang jebol, hehe. Untungnya, habis lulus kompre Feb 2007 itu, gw langsung dapet proyek research di Dept. Matematika. Itu kerjasama ama Dept. Teknik Perminyakan gitu deh, masih soal oil and gas juga, jadi masih kepakai lah ilmu gw di Tekim. Gw mengira proyekan itu bakal untuk 2-4 bulan aja sblm akhirnya gw dpt kerjaan permanen di luar Bandung. But I was wrong. Tuhan masih ijinin gw untuk tinggal di Bandung sampai akhir thn 2008. Selama ngerjain proyek itu, gw sempet bbrp kali apply-apply ke perusahaan-perusahaan lagi buat posisi engineer. Tapi ya itu, gak ada yang lolos. Seingat gw, dari sejak gw lulus itu cuman 2 ato 3 perusahaan yg manggil tes, dan itu pun gw gk lolos. Perusahaan-perusahaan yg lainnya malah kagak manggil untuk tes sama sekali. I don't know why. Payah ya gw ;p.

Letter to the Hebrews (just my random thought)

So, kemaren I was wondering about who was the author of the letter to the Hebrews alias surat kepada orang Ibrani kalo pake bahasa gue mah. This letter was a bit different, and its author is mysterious. Mungkin kebanyakan orang berasumsi bahwa penulisnya adalah Paul, karena surat-surat sebelumnya adalah Paul's letters. But gue gak yakin kalo penulisnya adalah Paul. 

Pertama, Paul selalu greets the readers and clearly states that the letter was from him (cek semua surat-surat dia terdahulu). So, anonymous was not his style. Apakah mungkin Paul iseng kali ini gak kasih nama? I don't know

Kedua, gaya penulisan dan bahasanya tidak seperti gaya bahasa Paul. Openingnya lebih mirip tulisan John (baca kitab John and his first letter (1 John) ). Tapi again, gak ada bukti juga bahwa itu a letter from John. 

Tapi kalo kata temen gue sih penutupnya agak-agak mirip ama suratnya Paul.

Bukti-bukti authorship dari Hebrew ini susah diketahui dari isi suratnya sendiri although I think ada beberapa clue implisit sih:

 * He knows Timothy (Heb 13:23)

 *He might be in Italy (Heb 13:24). I said "might", karena belum tentu juga dia di Italy. Yang kirim salam dari Italy itu bisa jadi orang-orang yang ada di Italy bilang ke dia untuk nitip salam (tapi dia sendiri gak di Italy), bisa juga orang-orang yang kirim salam itu lagi bersama-sama dia di Italy.

*Dia mungkin bukan salah satu dari apostles (Heb 2:3) ...this salvation, which was first announced by the Lord,  was confirmed to us by those who heard him. Tapi ini juga asumsi sih. Si penulis bisa aja ngomong gitu untuk membahasakan reader-nya yang notabene gak menjadi saksi langsung.

Lalu gue mencoba mencari rekam jejak para rasul di Kisah Para Rasul, untuk mencari kira-kira siapa aja yang kemungkinan kenal Timothy, dan pernah ke Italy. But that doesn't help me to narrow it down though

Then, while I was still thinking about this, I tried to google it. Ternyata emang ini udah sejak lama jadi misteri. Coba aja google the writer of the letters to the hebrews, pasti banyak yang keluar. Memang, its authorship masih tetap misterius, but its a great letter, a very strong one, nonetheless. Nah, sementara sodara-sodara semua ikut mikir juga, meneliti, mempelajari, dan mencari-cari juga, saya mau tidur dulu yah. Sekian edisi random thought di tengah malam.

How Do I Know I Am Hearing A Word From God?

Looking through some old emails, and I stumbled upon this one article that was sent by my dearest friend and spiritual mother, Libertha. I don't know for sure if this is her own writing or she got it from somewhere else. But nevertheless, it still blesses me. Thought I might share it with you and hope it will bless you too

There is no way of knowing for certain that someone is hearing from God, unless that person has been listening to God over a long period of time and then testing what he or she has heard. Such people have become accustomed to discerning God's voice (see John 10:27). There are many others, however, who think they are hearing from God when maybe they are not. How annoying are the superspiritual who always say, "God told me this--God told me that--God told me this other." It seems that their every thought is a revelation from God. God does not customarily operate that way. He speaks to us, but He does not chatter away, day in and day out, the way some people claim He does. This has been my experience, and it is the concept that is in accordance with the biblical record. 

The Bible says that we can tell if someone is a prophet by seeing if what he has said comes to pass (see Deuteronomy 18:22). That is a very pragmatic test, and it works.

A friend who purported to hear from God told me, "My second child is going to be a boy. God told me." His second child was a girl. He said, "Well, God told me that it was not second child who was going to be a boy, but the third child." His third child was a girl too. At that point I determined, That brother isn't hearing from God. It was clear: He made a statement, supposedly from God, that did not come to pass. 

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness

Ahhh..., been abandoned this blog for more than a month. Many things happened, but I wouldn't share it today. In fact, I'm preparing it as a whole story to share later.

Today, I would like to share about something I've been meditating. I also share it with my two best friends via email as our online connect group (cell group/ bible study group)

Today I'd like to invite you to meditate over a simple verse that we're all familiar with:

Matthew 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

I don't know about you, but for many years I have considered this verse as a prerequisite for getting the "all these things". You know, all things we need/want in life, such as prosperity, health, job/career, future husband/wife, successful ministry, happy marriage, or just getting good marks in exams. For instance, when I only got a C or D for my exam back then, I always thought that it was because I didn't seek His kingdom first. Then I tried to read the bible more often, pray more often, get more involved in ministry, and then study hard to fulfill the "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness". Or, when I've been waiting for a  miracle for so long and there's not a single clue about it at all, I thought that it might be...because I had not sought His kingdom enough, so it has not been given to me yet. Also, when I shared to some christian friends about how I had not been successful in my study in the past, no luck in relationship, and had not got things I've been waiting for, they cited this verse for me.

So in my own paraphrase, I thought that I have to seek His kingdom and His righteousness first, in order to get all these things given to me as well. Can you see how it's twisted?